Unsettled.

My eyes saw her but I couldn’t see!

My ears listened to her but no more me!

I touched her, she touched me but I didn’t felt anything!

So numb!

It is like the time moves on but it didn’t take me with it.

Moving, talking, doing things, singing but deep inside I see everything I do, as If Iam just an observer.

I couldn’t take control of what I was doing. I couldn’t look her in the eye and say what I had to.

I just went on with my body responding to her talks. I never had the control over me. I couldnt feel her nor understand her, I just followed the rules. When she asked I answered, when she remained silent I asked.

The questions were of everything she wanted to hear, but not what I had to ask. It worked well she was happy.

And when she is gone, I don’t remember what I said and what I have done, for all those were so robotic. Sensors responding to her signals. I lived for her, or at least I thought so.

I tried to make her mine,but I forgot who I was, she was not loving me, she was loving ‘what she wanted’ !

It was not me.

I was always what she wanted

But, It was not me!

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The Present.

Today I woke up really late, thanks to the late night football timing of Spanish football. It is very hard to get over all the those feelings of regret in your mind and start off the day again.

I am presently on my study leave, so it was even harder for me. I thought of the lessons I could have covered if I had been off the bed early and eventually one after the other the ‘could haves’ and ‘would haves’ just covered me up.

But then all of a sudden I don’t know why, when I was sipping my tea facing the sun which is now shining bright right into my eyes, I got a sudden nod in my head. What am I doing now? I know that Iam late to wake up today, I know I missed my scheduled chapters. Now what is there in regretting about it and spending more time wasting.

And then this simple thought now started to give me a much wide perspective of how badly we treat our present. We waste the precious time we are going through by simply complaining and regretting about the past we had, worrying about the future events that is yet to come. There is so much things that we could have achieved today.

It is important that we prepare for the future and learn from the mistakes of the past but this two things shouldn’t eat up our present as a whole. We have to do something to make each day in this world worthy of. On your death bed Iam sure no one will remember with happiness those tiry and lazy days that we spent.

Now just look deep into the word itself, it is a ‘Present’ from God to us. So I assured to myself today that I won’t treat my present as a residue of my past and as an anticipation of my future. I will take it as, it is! I will treat each new day, hour, minute or second as a beautiful opportunity to explore the unexplored dimensions of times in my life.

Just live in the present!

The Opression I love.. ;)

Before you, I was free!

Nothing bothered me,

I had my own truths

I owned my senses

And then you came!

You locked me

You confused my senses

Your thoughts frozen me

Your presence seduced me

You are everywhere
I need you for everything

I am no longer free

I can’t breath without you

Even the deepest emotions ,

The hardest decisions,

The existence of myself was now hung,

Hung on your Sweet smile,

Endless talks and infinite love.
In my days and nights,

When I smiled and wept

You were always there.

I am no longer free now

Even my dreams are confined to you.
My freedom?

You have taken it from me

The freedom that kept me lonely,

Made me shed tears

Left me in obstacles

Is no more!
I am oppressed

I’m oppressed to the tranquillity of your innocence

I am oppressed to Your love

I am Oppressed!!

To My dearest sis (Silently)

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Today when I am separated from you,
Sitting here in our room alone
I can remember the days ,
Days of happiness that we had
The days of fights
The day, I wanted you to be far away
The days on which I made you cry 🙂

But now when I realise
I can’t be with you like I was
I can’t fight with you like we fought
I can’t share my deepest secrets with you
I can’t get your help as I used to get

I feel so bad, I feel like Iam loosing a half of me
I feel like iam insecure
I feel like I have no one to solve my issues.
I feel like there is no one to argue for me
I feel like missing you my dear sis 😥

This is an acceptance of defeat to your love, dear sis!!

Missed calls (143)

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I missed her call
It’s normal
Is it?
I remember the days I waited to get a text from her
The days, when the only thing I thought about was ‘her’
Even in my dreams it was she who gave me comfort
Her words were relief to me
That would lift me from the depths of loneliness and place me in a world of happiness
A world that was full of her small complaints, complements, advices , looks, touches…..
She was a pain killer for me
But now it feels different
I know she is still there for me
But I feel like I have been taken out of our small world.
The world of just me and her
Iam free now
But this freedom compel me to sacrifice  our little world
That little world of care and love
Oh ! I missed her call 😦

Destroy Me

Destroy me
I can’t withstand this pain
I can’t believe this drama
The world is full of lies,
Fake masks
Iam tired of this
I can’t wear it,
No more please!
This mask eats me
It engulf the real me
I don’t want to be someone else
Iam a human!!
A human  who can’t understand the games
A human who fails in this wicked world
Destroy me please………..

Black

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I can see her,
So beautiful as always
The small movements of her lips
Her eyes still reluctant to wake up from the peaceful sleep
She is so cute!!
I was looking at her
 enjoying her beauty
She had a glance at me
Iam sure she had seen me,
But her face remained same,
As if she had never seen me.
Why can’t I  get her scent?
I can just see her there,
But I can’t hear her
There is a veil between us,
Don’t know when it was formed
But it hurts.
I called her, but she can’t hear me.
She was trying to tell something,
But I am no longer the listener
What has happened to her?
I screamed but she was absent to my call
I looked at the flower in her hand
A black rose
She had tears in her eyes
I haven’t seen her so sad
She was always happy
Her smile would heal me from everything
But now she is sad!
It shouldn’t be ,
But now she is sad!
And the it came
A coffin,
And a body lying frozen inside it.
I know that guy!
I have been seeing him for years
He is so familiar to me
My reflection??
No it is the real me
Iam now a mere reflection
A reflection between two worlds,
A memory for her broken heart!!

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I don’t know why I feel this much pain
I saw her gently falling towards me
Her lips leisurely approaching mine
I could feel the heat,the beats,
I could see the fling in her eyes
She was thirsty
Thirsty for her lips to join mine
One simple passionate kiss
That was what I wanted
And that was what she striving for
She came more and more close
The heat grew up
Sweat flowed
I was thirsty
I just need that passionate touch
I just need to taste her gentle lips
I just need to smell her sweaty face
I just need to get lost in her
I waited for her
I waited for her to get to me
I waited for that angel to fall on me
I waited…….
I don’t remember how long I waited.
When I opened my eyes I could see her far away in the sky
A lusture-less star
Waiting for that one passionate kiss
Oh god how long should we wait..
Oh god what an agonising pain
Oh god I miss her so much………………♡♡♡♡♡

Iju

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